Yep

I love James.

Anxious

I always feel like I am clawing my way out. Everything is always unpredictable. It makes me mentally, emotionally and physically tired.

I want to be the surgical tech. If I don't get that job, I will still feel very content. I think I will get it, but it's too soon for cockiness. That's not my style, anyway. I am good at creating rhythm and organization where it does not exist. I will humbly admit that as a strength.

July 7th will be busy. Meetings. Important meetings. Hoagiefest, unfortunately, will take a backseat.

It's all worth it and I am happy with my life.

A good day.

Today I woke up early with James. He fed Monty, and let me sleep in. I woke up at 3pm. I got up, made iced tea and dinner. James came over after work. We ate, did some unmentionable things, and then went to his house to pick up new skates. He was pumped and I was pumped for him. Next we went to the rink, but were too early. He taught me how to drive in a nearby parking lot. Now it is hockey time. Tomorrow I will go to Dorney Park and take part in some water sliding. Life is good.

Inconsolable Crying

Is the hardest thing to deal with in my line of work. At the cat hospital, most of the crying was related to old, sick pets being euthanized. At this job, thr crying comes from people having to surrender pets that they love, but can't afford. I'm not sure which is more heart breaking.

Jon and Austin

More reflections.

Jon and I have always had an interesting relationship. We were similar in a lot of ways when we met. Years later, we still have a ton of common ground. Though, we are both completely different people than we used to be. It's really strange how some people can be on the same path. Sometimes I can't believe I met him through Austin. I hope that guy is okay. Every once in a while I get really worried about him. We were never close, just human compassion, I guess.

I have to dig up some of those CDs. I know that listening to them will remind me of how good I am at long distance relationships.

Oceans of Pain

I couldn't figure it out for a while. But, today I did. James reminds me of (a much smarter and more eloquent) Ishizuka. This makes me feel extremely comfortable.

Update: Curious as to what Ishizuka was up to these days, I Googled that mother fucker. He is a practicing psychiatrist in the town where James plays ice hockey. Weird.

A realization, six months later

Before December, I had a pretty jaded outlook on my love life. It wasn't until I started seeing Alex that I realized how ho-hum I had felt about some of the people I dated in the past. After he went back to school, I felt sort of (totally) crushed. That was partly because I would miss him, but also partly because I would miss the feeling of really caring about someone again. In retrospect, it was much more the latter. I think Alex may have been some sort of vector that unlocked or rejuvenated something inside of me. And, I am very thankful for that.

I am pretty grateful to have met James under these conditions. I feel really happy and excited about the future. I am looking forward to rotisserie chicken picnics, Toronto, hockey games, meowing, and meeting Mingerina. He is so smart, and hot, and funny, and good at hockey, and genuine, and sweet, and so laid back, and fun to hang out with, and rational, and staying put for a while.

I think in the end, I just like getting older. I like figuring out how my brain works. I have a better sense of what kinds of people I want to spend time with. I am more understanding of the ways that people approach relationships and what to expect from them. Pumped.

A bad day at work is still a really good day. I love ACCT. And all of the people and animals there. But, I fucking hate drawing the blood of kittens. Buttons, I'm really glad you made it out alive. Thank you, PAWS.

Another amazing evening with the boyfriend. I like this one a lot.

A girl getting raped and murdered at 3rd and Girard is scary. Why can't the ladies have a fun night dancing with friends, without worrying about this shit? Lame. I really want to go get a Shorty right now. But, what if I get raped and murdered in my attempt? Double lame. I want late night hoagies, extra tomatoes, hold the fear.